[ dissonance between the sickness and the aching want, intermingling the closer nikolai draws him. kaz could spend hours considering all the different ways they’re touching now, his good knee bumping nikolai’s leg, the hands gliding over his skin, nikolai's mouth a gasp away from a kiss.
the mention of rollins dampens the mood considerably, and he’s strangely grateful for it. a simple grunt in response to nikolai asking after his mortal enemy. the details of the story rise in his throat so swiftly that he has to force them back down. it wouldn’t do to give nikolai more pieces of himself, if he won’t receive the same in return. whatever he wants from nikolai now, it’s not a keeper. is this how inej had felt when he forced the net upon her? saints. the unflattering comparison reveals a clearer course of action than squabbling endlessly.
for a moment, kaz has him, caught in his hand like a fluttering sparrow. power rebalanced until nikolai speaks something oblique, meaning twisted into strange shapes by the way his palm runs hot (no, shivering cold) across his chest. his lungs refuse to expand, to fill with needed air, until nikolai pulls away, and kaz releases his wrist with a shuddery breath. thinks, unbidden, of all the things nikolai said he wanted. what if the only reason i let you close is because i know? despite the doubts in his heart, he leans forward to narrow the space nikolai left behind, tipping his head to better accommodate the attention to his injury. at the first tender (no, slick) brush of his hair, his lashes lower until he wills them up. some high-wires, you have to walk alone, and if you fall — the trick is in getting back up. he learned that from the best. ]
It’s one theory. [ an even thing, coupled with a sideways glance. would it work? unlikely, especially without proper follow-through. his mouth curdles. ] Another is that you’re punishing me. [ for wanting nikolai at all, or for everything he said and did at the inn. an equally unkind assumption, but what choice has nikolai left him? kaz manages to neutralise his expression when he speaks again, coarse voice lifting. ] And then there’s the third option.
[ stubborn hope flutters against his ribcage. kaz waits for nikolai to shift away, leftover bandages set aside, before seizing him by the wrists again, grip sliding to capture his bare hands in between his own gloved pair. ]
Reset the terms of our professional relationship. [ not quite a demand, hitting a lighter note. if nikolai sincerely wants to soften those edges — ] We finish the job together as partners. What you do with your share isn’t my business. [ the heart, although it pains him to relinquish his stake in nikolai. you can’t make people stay, but you can gift them more options than they thought possible. as for their relationship, well, if nikolai insists on guarding him, then why shouldn’t he be allowed to return the favour? and if nikolai means to touch him without asking — kaz lowers his mouth to the cup of their hands, blowing warm air into the cradled space. once, twice, three times. his thumb arcs over the back of nikolai’s hand, tracing simple lines. as he lifts his head and closes the clasp of their hands to keep the heat held inside it, his mouth quirks higher on one side. a match for his cocked brow. no idea whether he feels faint from the closeness or the head injury. ]
Your hands have been freezing this whole time, by the way. [ constructive criticism for the otherwise admirable nursing techniques. ] Felt like you were shoving snow in my shirt.
no subject
the mention of rollins dampens the mood considerably, and he’s strangely grateful for it. a simple grunt in response to nikolai asking after his mortal enemy. the details of the story rise in his throat so swiftly that he has to force them back down. it wouldn’t do to give nikolai more pieces of himself, if he won’t receive the same in return. whatever he wants from nikolai now, it’s not a keeper. is this how inej had felt when he forced the net upon her? saints. the unflattering comparison reveals a clearer course of action than squabbling endlessly.
for a moment, kaz has him, caught in his hand like a fluttering sparrow. power rebalanced until nikolai speaks something oblique, meaning twisted into strange shapes by the way his palm runs hot (no, shivering cold) across his chest. his lungs refuse to expand, to fill with needed air, until nikolai pulls away, and kaz releases his wrist with a shuddery breath. thinks, unbidden, of all the things nikolai said he wanted. what if the only reason i let you close is because i know? despite the doubts in his heart, he leans forward to narrow the space nikolai left behind, tipping his head to better accommodate the attention to his injury. at the first tender (no, slick) brush of his hair, his lashes lower until he wills them up. some high-wires, you have to walk alone, and if you fall — the trick is in getting back up. he learned that from the best. ]
It’s one theory. [ an even thing, coupled with a sideways glance. would it work? unlikely, especially without proper follow-through. his mouth curdles. ] Another is that you’re punishing me. [ for wanting nikolai at all, or for everything he said and did at the inn. an equally unkind assumption, but what choice has nikolai left him? kaz manages to neutralise his expression when he speaks again, coarse voice lifting. ] And then there’s the third option.
[ stubborn hope flutters against his ribcage. kaz waits for nikolai to shift away, leftover bandages set aside, before seizing him by the wrists again, grip sliding to capture his bare hands in between his own gloved pair. ]
Reset the terms of our professional relationship. [ not quite a demand, hitting a lighter note. if nikolai sincerely wants to soften those edges — ] We finish the job together as partners. What you do with your share isn’t my business. [ the heart, although it pains him to relinquish his stake in nikolai. you can’t make people stay, but you can gift them more options than they thought possible. as for their relationship, well, if nikolai insists on guarding him, then why shouldn’t he be allowed to return the favour? and if nikolai means to touch him without asking — kaz lowers his mouth to the cup of their hands, blowing warm air into the cradled space. once, twice, three times. his thumb arcs over the back of nikolai’s hand, tracing simple lines. as he lifts his head and closes the clasp of their hands to keep the heat held inside it, his mouth quirks higher on one side. a match for his cocked brow. no idea whether he feels faint from the closeness or the head injury. ]
Your hands have been freezing this whole time, by the way. [ constructive criticism for the otherwise admirable nursing techniques. ] Felt like you were shoving snow in my shirt.