[ agreement, promise, apology. you have me. kaz hums something pleased into nikolai’s mouth, kiss made softer by the hopeful feeling in his gut.
an unreadable expression overtakes him as nikolai uses his own clothes to cushion his head. before he can overthink it, nikolai tugs him forward, and he tips back, propped low on his elbows in a final defense against the inherent vulnerability of being prone, mouth parted on a surprised breath. unease barely finds purchase in his whirring, ever calculating mind, knocked off-centre by nikolai’s calloused fingers on his cock. he sucks in a breath, watchful gaze still focused on nikolai being focused on him. no longer trapped in his head, perhaps, but instead here. with me.
that line of thinking is cut short by nikolai lifting his legs, which kaz worries he may not be able to help unstick, but no, he wants this. he can do this. his stomach flips. the tumult of the barge flashes behind his eyelids, but he forces them open to replace it with nikolai, looking handsome and disheveled and intent (the last of which, he hasn’t seen in days, with his fatigue). a hundred stupid, fond ideas fracture his concentration as he returns the squeeze of his fingers, thumb sweeping over the back of nikolai’s hand. ]
I will. [ gruff voice thick with want, he finally flattens to the ground, a supine position that steals all the air from his lungs in a rushing exhale. might have banged his head if he hadn’t, though, body jerking in nikolai’s firm grasp as he’s swallowed by the wet heat of his mouth. ] Ah — [ habit chokes out the sound, as it would for an expression of pain, but it’s not that. saints, it’s not that. his free hand twitches, confused and out of place at his side until he bends it back beside his head, curling into those ridiculous, royal furs. heavy-lidded eyes don’t dare leave nikolai’s bowed head, lest he be transmuted a dead thing, even though kaz would like to hide the way a baritone gasp startles his features wider.
a visible, losing battle for control plays out in the slackening and tightening lines of his face. and then there’s the peculiar ache in his thighs — an irrational feeling telling him that nikolai belongs here, in the v of his legs. too much and not enough. kaz arches into his mouth at the same moment nikolai’s takes him deep, and he moans brokenly. a blizzard of sensation in the interplay of mouth-hand-mouth over his cock, unlike anything he's ever had. the quick, slick sounds interrupt the waves crashing in his ears, but it’s nikolai’s voice that anchors him. ]
Feels — overwhelming. [ worse, he likes that it feels that way, insides made molten. nikolai deserves a better answer than that. ] It’s good. [ breathless, in the midst of another doomed fight to keep his voice level, unaccustomed to delivering praise. yet he’s struck by the terrifying urge to reflect all of nikolai’s light back on him. ] Of course you’re good. [ rough-edged, like he’s annoyed about it, but it’s a toothless thing. honeyed tongue, clever mouth, nimble hands. of course, of course, of course. he groans louder, hips hitching. ] You should see how you look. [ like he’s the one being ravished instead of the reverse, like every fantasy kaz has had in the last six months but better. he reaches up to seize nikolai by the hair, but ends up gentling it aside instead, fingers swiping wetness from the soft skin beneath his eye. he wishes this position were more conducive to kissing.
his eyes close, head tilted back on a ragged moan. despite the cold, heat flushes his chest. sweat under his jaw, beading down his throat, at the small of his back, the bend of his knees. water blurs his vision, the feeling of nikolai’s hand slipping from his even though he knows it isn’t. his grip tightens. a suspended breath fights the rising tide for a moment, but — ]
Wait. [ damn it. a flash of blue, panicked but not lost, darting over nikolai to reform him in his mind. heartbeat hammering and settling without the frantic urging of nikolai’s mouth. okay. his free hand finds the cave floor at his side, cold and unmistakable. he still wants this badly; that’s what made it dangerous in the first place. ] Just wait. I’m fine. [ kaz waits for nausea that never comes and forces the shake from his voice. ] Okay. [ a sharp nod, concentration wrinkling his brow but a hesitant sort of quirk at his mouth. ]
no subject
an unreadable expression overtakes him as nikolai uses his own clothes to cushion his head. before he can overthink it, nikolai tugs him forward, and he tips back, propped low on his elbows in a final defense against the inherent vulnerability of being prone, mouth parted on a surprised breath. unease barely finds purchase in his whirring, ever calculating mind, knocked off-centre by nikolai’s calloused fingers on his cock. he sucks in a breath, watchful gaze still focused on nikolai being focused on him. no longer trapped in his head, perhaps, but instead here. with me.
that line of thinking is cut short by nikolai lifting his legs, which kaz worries he may not be able to help unstick, but no, he wants this. he can do this. his stomach flips. the tumult of the barge flashes behind his eyelids, but he forces them open to replace it with nikolai, looking handsome and disheveled and intent (the last of which, he hasn’t seen in days, with his fatigue). a hundred stupid, fond ideas fracture his concentration as he returns the squeeze of his fingers, thumb sweeping over the back of nikolai’s hand. ]
I will. [ gruff voice thick with want, he finally flattens to the ground, a supine position that steals all the air from his lungs in a rushing exhale. might have banged his head if he hadn’t, though, body jerking in nikolai’s firm grasp as he’s swallowed by the wet heat of his mouth. ] Ah — [ habit chokes out the sound, as it would for an expression of pain, but it’s not that. saints, it’s not that. his free hand twitches, confused and out of place at his side until he bends it back beside his head, curling into those ridiculous, royal furs. heavy-lidded eyes don’t dare leave nikolai’s bowed head, lest he be transmuted a dead thing, even though kaz would like to hide the way a baritone gasp startles his features wider.
a visible, losing battle for control plays out in the slackening and tightening lines of his face. and then there’s the peculiar ache in his thighs — an irrational feeling telling him that nikolai belongs here, in the v of his legs. too much and not enough. kaz arches into his mouth at the same moment nikolai’s takes him deep, and he moans brokenly. a blizzard of sensation in the interplay of mouth-hand-mouth over his cock, unlike anything he's ever had. the quick, slick sounds interrupt the waves crashing in his ears, but it’s nikolai’s voice that anchors him. ]
Feels — overwhelming. [ worse, he likes that it feels that way, insides made molten. nikolai deserves a better answer than that. ] It’s good. [ breathless, in the midst of another doomed fight to keep his voice level, unaccustomed to delivering praise. yet he’s struck by the terrifying urge to reflect all of nikolai’s light back on him. ] Of course you’re good. [ rough-edged, like he’s annoyed about it, but it’s a toothless thing. honeyed tongue, clever mouth, nimble hands. of course, of course, of course. he groans louder, hips hitching. ] You should see how you look. [ like he’s the one being ravished instead of the reverse, like every fantasy kaz has had in the last six months but better. he reaches up to seize nikolai by the hair, but ends up gentling it aside instead, fingers swiping wetness from the soft skin beneath his eye. he wishes this position were more conducive to kissing.
his eyes close, head tilted back on a ragged moan. despite the cold, heat flushes his chest. sweat under his jaw, beading down his throat, at the small of his back, the bend of his knees. water blurs his vision, the feeling of nikolai’s hand slipping from his even though he knows it isn’t. his grip tightens. a suspended breath fights the rising tide for a moment, but — ]
Wait. [ damn it. a flash of blue, panicked but not lost, darting over nikolai to reform him in his mind. heartbeat hammering and settling without the frantic urging of nikolai’s mouth. okay. his free hand finds the cave floor at his side, cold and unmistakable. he still wants this badly; that’s what made it dangerous in the first place. ] Just wait. I’m fine. [ kaz waits for nausea that never comes and forces the shake from his voice. ] Okay. [ a sharp nod, concentration wrinkling his brow but a hesitant sort of quirk at his mouth. ]