[ it's less graceful this time, kaz nearly choking him when his hips buck as he comes down his throat, nikolai swallowing down his wet heat and trying to remember how to breathe. trying to memorize every sound coming from kaz's lips. he only stops because the ache of his own cock is difficult to ignore, but he'd happily stay nestled between kaz's legs to draw out whimper after whimper if they weren't currently stuck in a cave in the icy wilderness of fjerda. he'd like to do this again in the comfort of a bed, all night if he wants to. a dream with dwindling hope still trailing at the edges. kaz kisses away the thought, reminding him to ground himself in this moment, a rough breath escaping him when his hips grind unexpectedly against his. doesn't have time to think about it, because then kaz has him on his back to touch him in a way that has his muscles clenching tight, a helpless sound in his throat.

let go. his eyes squeeze shut and suddenly he's drifting in the water again. his fingers tighten around something warm — kaz's thigh, gripped so tightly he knows he'll leave bruises. he forces his hand to relax, forces his eyes blearily open to find kaz near, catching him in a kiss made of teeth. i'll take care of you. words he doesn't think he's ever heard before. no one has ever wanted to do that, and it's not something he's ever chased. his hand glides up the length of kaz's spine, nestling in his hair again, dropping a strangled moan into his mouth at kaz's expert touch. ]

Fuck, Brekker. You're — good. [ good hardly suffices. he huffs out a laugh, a shudder working through him. extraordinary hands, good for breaking locks, breaking bones, and apparently everything in-between. good for taking him apart. scorching heat pools inside of him, his hips pushing desperately into kaz's hand. he pulls him down into another kiss, his mouth trembling as his lips part, wanting kaz to devour every part of him until there's nothing else but this. nothing but his hands and his mouth and the taut pleasure spreading through his limbs, jagged lightning bolts streaking through him until he can't hold back anymore. his teeth sink into kaz's bottom lip for one frantic moment before he lets go, spilling hot over his hand with a ragged sigh pulled from his chest.

it feels like falling. or floating. he winds his arm around the curve of kaz's spine, drawing him in close as he presses breathless kisses to his throat, dragging his lips higher to the line of his jaw. his nose nuzzles against the sharp cut of his cheekbone, eyes fluttering shut as he catches his breath. it's tempting to fall asleep here, his fatigue suddenly catching up with him, limbs warm and loose and relaxed for the first time in days. his mind feels blessedly empty. ]

I find I no longer care about the heart. [ he mumbles it into kaz's cheek, shifting to settle him gently at his side, taking care of his injured shoulder. he buries his face into his hair, lips brushing his ear, his voice low. ] Unless I can trade it for one night without chains, without that vile tonic, just one night in bed with you.