[ it’s for the best, that he came first (and second), focus returning to him so he can fully appreciate nikolai coming undone. he looks drunk on it, knocked off-balance in a way that kaz has never seen him. has he stopped thinking, worrying, fracturing, for just a moment? kaz thieves every wounded sound, each haphazard bit of taction, the width between his brows and the way his lashes falter. his mouth hooks sideways, more sly than smug (but that’s there, too). the startled praise suffuses him with warmth. ]
Never said I wasn’t. [ just implied that he hadn’t, with anyone else, but his clever hands have helped him manage by his lonesome in the intervening years, to be sure. nevermind that if nikolai hadn’t told him it was as simple as doing it the way he would for himself, kaz wouldn’t have thought of it like that or been able to touch him like this.
as the fog clears in his mind, the rumbling waves return. nikolai anchors him with kiss that kaz makes bruising, a bite that nicks his lip, a full-bodied release that breaks like the sky after a storm. kaz carries him through it, strokes slowing as nikolai softens. he even allows himself to be led closer, eyes shuttering as nikolai presses proof of unrestrained affection into his bones. or maybe it’s not affection. maybe it’s just what people do. he doesn’t know.
he wipes his hand on the ruined furs in the space between them before sliding it back across the still-trembling muscles of nikolai’s stomach, then grasping his waist to drag him close. kaz had been the one to untangle their limbs the first time, in nikolai’s quarters — and the other times, he’d been about to faint in the water, while nikolai had actually fainted on the shore — but he would prefer to stay now, if only for a little while longer (with no promise of this fragile closeness repeating). the mission whirs anew at the back of his mind. nikolai talks like there’s a chance, a flickering hope, and his breath catches. careful. in truth, kaz trusts nikolai with everything except self-preservation. did you ever want the heart? would you take it now, if i gave it to you? but even if nikolai doesn't mean what he says, the words heat kaz's cheeks all the same. he’d card a hand back through his hair, if nikolai hadn’t claimed the spot behind his temple as a resting place. ]
Just the one night? [ eyebrows arching, tone almost wry. he squeezes nikolai’s hip on his good side, blinking back the sensation of the flesh deteriorating under his hand. kaz scoffs. ] That’s a terrible deal. I’d never let you take it. [ irrelevant that he would definitely accept one night in bed with nikolai lantsov in exchange for most things, like the safety of being alone in his skin and away from the dead — or the firm grasp on his intelligence and restraint, which fell out of the crack in his head after nikolai started touching him again. ] I expect you to start negotiations with higher standards, [ another fragment stolen from nikolai, eyes sparking with amusement. ] or you’ll be countered into nothing.
[ easier to say that, just out of reach, than to offer him something accessible, like a day in his bed, though kaz would give him that, too. ]
no subject
Never said I wasn’t. [ just implied that he hadn’t, with anyone else, but his clever hands have helped him manage by his lonesome in the intervening years, to be sure. nevermind that if nikolai hadn’t told him it was as simple as doing it the way he would for himself, kaz wouldn’t have thought of it like that or been able to touch him like this.
as the fog clears in his mind, the rumbling waves return. nikolai anchors him with kiss that kaz makes bruising, a bite that nicks his lip, a full-bodied release that breaks like the sky after a storm. kaz carries him through it, strokes slowing as nikolai softens. he even allows himself to be led closer, eyes shuttering as nikolai presses proof of unrestrained affection into his bones. or maybe it’s not affection. maybe it’s just what people do. he doesn’t know.
he wipes his hand on the ruined furs in the space between them before sliding it back across the still-trembling muscles of nikolai’s stomach, then grasping his waist to drag him close. kaz had been the one to untangle their limbs the first time, in nikolai’s quarters — and the other times, he’d been about to faint in the water, while nikolai had actually fainted on the shore — but he would prefer to stay now, if only for a little while longer (with no promise of this fragile closeness repeating). the mission whirs anew at the back of his mind. nikolai talks like there’s a chance, a flickering hope, and his breath catches. careful. in truth, kaz trusts nikolai with everything except self-preservation. did you ever want the heart? would you take it now, if i gave it to you? but even if nikolai doesn't mean what he says, the words heat kaz's cheeks all the same. he’d card a hand back through his hair, if nikolai hadn’t claimed the spot behind his temple as a resting place. ]
Just the one night? [ eyebrows arching, tone almost wry. he squeezes nikolai’s hip on his good side, blinking back the sensation of the flesh deteriorating under his hand. kaz scoffs. ] That’s a terrible deal. I’d never let you take it. [ irrelevant that he would definitely accept one night in bed with nikolai lantsov in exchange for most things, like the safety of being alone in his skin and away from the dead — or the firm grasp on his intelligence and restraint, which fell out of the crack in his head after nikolai started touching him again. ] I expect you to start negotiations with higher standards, [ another fragment stolen from nikolai, eyes sparking with amusement. ] or you’ll be countered into nothing.
[ easier to say that, just out of reach, than to offer him something accessible, like a day in his bed, though kaz would give him that, too. ]