[ they regroup at the ship that night, all of them somewhat worse for wear, where nikolai announces that they'll case the tunnels in smaller groups in the morning — and pointedly ignores the murderous glare kaz gives him when he leaves him off the list. when the meeting breaks he sends a healer to tend to kaz in the privacy of his room while nikolai shuts himself in his own chambers and heaves up the little he could force himself to eat at dinner. he'd very confidently claimed to kaz that he wasn't sick but merely adjusting to his vile death potion — technically not a lie. maybe a bit of a lie. he only knows that it's not natural to slow one's heartbeat to a near catatonic state each night and that there are bound to be unpleasant side effects. he swears his pulse hasn't felt normal since he started taking it — it's either enormously fast or slow as molasses, neither of which feel enjoyable.

it's slow now. maybe he's just tired. after bathing, he stares at his bed in distracted contemplation as the seconds turn into minutes, trying to muster even an ounce of enthusiasm at the thought of sleep. maybe he could if sleep wasn't a completely elusive concept to him these days — or maybe if brekker was presently in his bed. he turns to his shelf and selects a heavy bottle of brandy, crossing the room as he guzzles down a generous swallow, then another. tries to convince himself to stay in his room, because kaz will eventually show up to shackle and dose him. drowning sounds more appealing.

after snagging two crystal glasses, he strides down to kaz's room and catches the healer leaving with a scowl. unsurprising — kaz is remarkably resistant to grisha healers. he's remarkably resistant to a lot of things, and surprisingly open to others, the most interesting puzzle nikolai has set his hands to in quite some time. he enters without knocking. ]

Don't be rude to my crew, Brekker. I've thrown men off this ship for less. [ you've already thrown him off this ship. he sets the bottle down with a too-heavy thud, feeling suddenly off balance. the waves. a glance at kaz, looking steady. not the waves, then. just him. his chest rises around a somewhat labored breath. ] If you've been plotting a speech to make known your displeasure for dropping you from tomorrow's activities, don't waste your breath. You won't change my mind, and none of my crew will take you, anyway. I'm not going, either. And yes, it is quite marvelous to be the captain of this ship. It makes me very important and everyone just listens to me.

[ he pours both glasses and brings one to kaz, held by the rim in his gloved hand. his eyes are sharp despite his fatigue, unwilling to entertain the idea of being banished to his quarters for another night alone. ]

Do you want to know the very best thing about not being a king anymore? I have regained the ability to get very drunk. I'll do it alone if I must, but it would please me if you embarked on this journey with me. [ he paces the room slowly, picking up kaz's hat and moving to the mirror to settle it on his head. ] So much black. What do you have against colors? Tell me, Brekker — [ he turns, catching his eye as he takes a drink, the hat sitting atop his tousled hair. ] What attracts you to someone? I know there had to have been people before me. You're not blind and I know you're not innocent, either.

[ not with those hands. ]