[ of course kaz turned down the invitation, though the image of inej flitting through dignitaries, unheard and unseen, almost makes him smile. or i might’ve kissed you sooner pulls his thoughts in another direction. it sounds so inevitable, even couched in one of nikolai’s fits of chatter. maybe it was inevitable, with the charged nature of their meetings. ]
Everyone in Ketterdam would think me a crooked merch for attending royal affairs. [ such alliances are greedy in a way benefitting the individual and not the crew, displaying an interest in games of whispers and politicking over barter and strategy. ] And for consorting with kings, even the sort they might admire from afar — chiefly the disgraced, bastard kind. [ an amused huff of air, eyes brighter for the reminder that nikolai rarely approaches things from the expected angle. ] But you’ve had worse ideas. [ than inviting him to the palace for the express purpose of thieving heirlooms and valuables. he’s certain he could gather several worthy scores, even with ravka’s pitiful treasury. next time zoya writes, she ought to ask him for financial advice — or maybe he could teach nikolai that aspect of governance, since it seems to elude him. ]
[ canting his head to the side, kaz visibly squints at nikolai — as if to check whether he is still handsome, after all. no time to review his findings, gaze holding steady as the topic slides back to inej. his hand stills. a small crease forms between his brows, more thoughtful than anything else. is this a test? worse, is it an escape route? would nikolai rather hand him off to the wraith than have him here — well, maybe that’s part of it, but kaz has gathered boxes of evidence which indicate otherwise, too. a momentary distraction, then: he finds that he likes the feel of nikolai’s grip where it left a bruise on his hip hours earlier. touching but not touching, skin separated by his grey shirt. ]
I did. [ in addition to his feelings for her — the biggest ones he had to that point, expanding the cage of his ribs. mostly, he had wanted to give her everything she needed to be free. the fact that he had, in fact, touched her seems a private thing to share, even with nikolai, after everything she pushed through to let him close. a steadying exhale before he slides the hand in nikolai’s hair to cup the back of his skull, guiding him up as kaz leans down. ]
What if I say that it’s you I wish to steal for myself now? [ to take have keep, all the things he said were impossible for anyone, let alone someone like him. he won’t say how he looked for excuses to talk to nikolai all week after their fight, or that he struggled again for an innocent reason to visit his room earlier tonight. a tug of their linked hands tells nikolai to sit up straighter, just in case he hasn’t realised what’s happening yet. his voice lowers, a softer grit than usual. ] It would be easier for me not to say it. [ so he doesn’t have to. it can be placed on the shelf beside his desperate confession of need at the inn, so nikolai doesn’t have to face it. kaz has the unparalleled ability to parcel out pieces of himself, hiding them away when they fail to serve him. ] And easier for you not to hear it.
[ nevermind that it felt altogether too late to deny long before this, even if nikolai finds it difficult to accept. kaz bows to steal a kiss, gentle but intent, expecting nikolai to help him overcome the awkward angle by meeting him in the middle. a small price to pay, really, when kaz has answered three questions in a row for his highness. ]
no subject
Everyone in Ketterdam would think me a crooked merch for attending royal affairs. [ such alliances are greedy in a way benefitting the individual and not the crew, displaying an interest in games of whispers and politicking over barter and strategy. ] And for consorting with kings, even the sort they might admire from afar — chiefly the disgraced, bastard kind. [ an amused huff of air, eyes brighter for the reminder that nikolai rarely approaches things from the expected angle. ] But you’ve had worse ideas. [ than inviting him to the palace for the express purpose of thieving heirlooms and valuables. he’s certain he could gather several worthy scores, even with ravka’s pitiful treasury. next time zoya writes, she ought to ask him for financial advice — or maybe he could teach nikolai that aspect of governance, since it seems to elude him. ]
[ canting his head to the side, kaz visibly squints at nikolai — as if to check whether he is still handsome, after all. no time to review his findings, gaze holding steady as the topic slides back to inej. his hand stills. a small crease forms between his brows, more thoughtful than anything else. is this a test? worse, is it an escape route? would nikolai rather hand him off to the wraith than have him here — well, maybe that’s part of it, but kaz has gathered boxes of evidence which indicate otherwise, too. a momentary distraction, then: he finds that he likes the feel of nikolai’s grip where it left a bruise on his hip hours earlier. touching but not touching, skin separated by his grey shirt. ]
I did. [ in addition to his feelings for her — the biggest ones he had to that point, expanding the cage of his ribs. mostly, he had wanted to give her everything she needed to be free. the fact that he had, in fact, touched her seems a private thing to share, even with nikolai, after everything she pushed through to let him close. a steadying exhale before he slides the hand in nikolai’s hair to cup the back of his skull, guiding him up as kaz leans down. ]
What if I say that it’s you I wish to steal for myself now? [ to take have keep, all the things he said were impossible for anyone, let alone someone like him. he won’t say how he looked for excuses to talk to nikolai all week after their fight, or that he struggled again for an innocent reason to visit his room earlier tonight. a tug of their linked hands tells nikolai to sit up straighter, just in case he hasn’t realised what’s happening yet. his voice lowers, a softer grit than usual. ] It would be easier for me not to say it. [ so he doesn’t have to. it can be placed on the shelf beside his desperate confession of need at the inn, so nikolai doesn’t have to face it. kaz has the unparalleled ability to parcel out pieces of himself, hiding them away when they fail to serve him. ] And easier for you not to hear it.
[ nevermind that it felt altogether too late to deny long before this, even if nikolai finds it difficult to accept. kaz bows to steal a kiss, gentle but intent, expecting nikolai to help him overcome the awkward angle by meeting him in the middle. a small price to pay, really, when kaz has answered three questions in a row for his highness. ]