[ a teasing lilt, sharp-edged. ] My darling Nikolai, I wouldn’t be so specific about what shouldn’t be stolen, unless you want me to take it. [ at least one sapphire will go missing now, though he’ll have to pick strategically to avoid public electrocution in the little palace. you’re not actually going. right. ] I once thieved jewels from the inlay of a mercher’s gaudy necklace in the middle of a party.
[ and no one noticed until it was too late. that had been when he was still a boy to per haskell, not yet a lieutenant, and needed to bring him shiny tokens of his loyalty to keep free use of the other dregs, still earning both his reputation and his keep. haskell had been happy to call him son then, before he became a contender for his seat atop the dregs. why think of that now? nikolai’s contemplative disposition is catching.
he packs away thoughts of anyone but nikolai, stretched attractively beneath him as kaz murmurs his agreement into their next kiss. yes, this is what he wants. wouldn’t have said so otherwise, with how difficult it is for him to admit specific desires. notices every time he asks for something because he never asks for things, even outside this need. early on, he learned that if you want something, you have to take it.
except in this, where it’s better to have nikolai give this to him, pliant under the arc of his hands, breath warm in his ear. it occurs to kaz that for the first time neither of them are injured. they’re just here, together, because they want to be. just as quickly, he throws out the thought. nikolai sends heat sparking up his thigh with the drag of his finger, even over covered skin. if it weren’t guaranteed to be too much, too fast, kaz would strip them both down. isn’t that what all of this has been? despite his previous demands, he follows the gentle pull of nikolai’s hand, mouth parting on a soft moan around his fingertip. his skin is too hot, feverish, but kaz holds his gaze, lidded eyes tracking the wet trail nikolai leaves for him.
does he mean just this? nikolai on his back. or about charting that path with his hand, mouth — or using his mouth to — to — the answer is the same, of course, having thought of little else in this room, in this bed, than nikolai lantsov. kaz swallows thickly and nods. ]
Think about you all the time. [ a hushed admission. dangerous, because he might want this too much, more than nikolai is prepared to take. he pushes nikolai’s shirt higher, palm smoothing over his chest, bare thumb catching on one nipple and sliding back to roll it between his uncalloused fingers, incited by the memory of nikolai touching him there. his slow, intent movements are near reverential. would compliment nikolai if he had the words for it. impossible to say whether it’s easier or harder to fight the undertow like this, with less doubling sensations to distract or overwhelm him. he lifts his hips to move lower down nikolai’s sturdy frame, weight easing onto his knees. mouth faintly curved, more sly than anything else. ] Sometimes like this.
[ sometimes other ways. he bows his head to tongue his way from the edge of nikolai’s trousers up the centre of his chest, against the grain of his fine hair. better that he didn’t drink much, buzzed from the headiness of contact. his loose shirt slides down to his shoulders, exposing the dip in his spine, as scarred there as everywhere else from barrel scraps, with fresher bruises along his back from their fall. relying on others, including grisha healers, to fix your hurts will only make you soft.
kaz licks over his other nipple with the tip of his tongue. if nikolai likes his mouth, then he’ll have it. ]
no subject
[ and no one noticed until it was too late. that had been when he was still a boy to per haskell, not yet a lieutenant, and needed to bring him shiny tokens of his loyalty to keep free use of the other dregs, still earning both his reputation and his keep. haskell had been happy to call him son then, before he became a contender for his seat atop the dregs. why think of that now? nikolai’s contemplative disposition is catching.
he packs away thoughts of anyone but nikolai, stretched attractively beneath him as kaz murmurs his agreement into their next kiss. yes, this is what he wants. wouldn’t have said so otherwise, with how difficult it is for him to admit specific desires. notices every time he asks for something because he never asks for things, even outside this need. early on, he learned that if you want something, you have to take it.
except in this, where it’s better to have nikolai give this to him, pliant under the arc of his hands, breath warm in his ear. it occurs to kaz that for the first time neither of them are injured. they’re just here, together, because they want to be. just as quickly, he throws out the thought. nikolai sends heat sparking up his thigh with the drag of his finger, even over covered skin. if it weren’t guaranteed to be too much, too fast, kaz would strip them both down. isn’t that what all of this has been? despite his previous demands, he follows the gentle pull of nikolai’s hand, mouth parting on a soft moan around his fingertip. his skin is too hot, feverish, but kaz holds his gaze, lidded eyes tracking the wet trail nikolai leaves for him.
does he mean just this? nikolai on his back. or about charting that path with his hand, mouth — or using his mouth to — to — the answer is the same, of course, having thought of little else in this room, in this bed, than nikolai lantsov. kaz swallows thickly and nods. ]
Think about you all the time. [ a hushed admission. dangerous, because he might want this too much, more than nikolai is prepared to take. he pushes nikolai’s shirt higher, palm smoothing over his chest, bare thumb catching on one nipple and sliding back to roll it between his uncalloused fingers, incited by the memory of nikolai touching him there. his slow, intent movements are near reverential. would compliment nikolai if he had the words for it. impossible to say whether it’s easier or harder to fight the undertow like this, with less doubling sensations to distract or overwhelm him. he lifts his hips to move lower down nikolai’s sturdy frame, weight easing onto his knees. mouth faintly curved, more sly than anything else. ] Sometimes like this.
[ sometimes other ways. he bows his head to tongue his way from the edge of nikolai’s trousers up the centre of his chest, against the grain of his fine hair. better that he didn’t drink much, buzzed from the headiness of contact. his loose shirt slides down to his shoulders, exposing the dip in his spine, as scarred there as everywhere else from barrel scraps, with fresher bruises along his back from their fall. relying on others, including grisha healers, to fix your hurts will only make you soft.
kaz licks over his other nipple with the tip of his tongue. if nikolai likes his mouth, then he’ll have it. ]