[ he can feel the rumble in kaz's throat vibrating onto his skin where his mouth drags over him, leaving a wet trail he cools with his breath — saints, where did he learn that, something like a mewl rising in his throat at the hot and cold sensation. my way suits you. he has no idea what suits him when it comes to other people, far more preoccupied with making himself into what he thinks they want, what they need. what does kaz need now? this is different from every other time — from any other time, leaving him grasping for solid footing, wondering what he's supposed to be. a prince, a king, a soldier, just a man? reckless, brave, good, monstrous? what does kaz need him to be?
sharp pinches of pain blossom beneath kaz's mouth where he sucks bruises into his skin, a gratified breath cascading from nikolai's lips, the sensation grounding him. his eyes flutter open, watching kaz's lithe fingers move across his stomach. then he's here, poised above him, and nikolai surges up to meet him, a soft groan swallowed into their kiss. another when kaz's hand presses between his legs, his hips rising insistently in search of his touch. can kaz possibly want him as much as he does right now? it's all-consuming, scorching him from the inside out, desperation filling every part of him. saints, he wants him. he'll die if he doesn't have him, if kaz suddenly changes his mind and comes to his senses and realizes he doesn't need him after all. just like his family, his crew. just like ravka.
he tries chasing his mouth when kaz breaks the kiss, his head falling back against the pillow when he slips from his reach. is this it? is this the end? he shuts his eyes, trying to quiet his mind again, trying to find his way through the cloying need trembling through him. there’s nothing here to hide behind, no mask or armor to shield himself with now that he’s confessed to the depth of his desire. what does kaz need? that’s the important thing, that’s what’s always been the important thing here. if he can just be needed.
he starts suddenly, finding kaz fitting himself between his legs. feels his warm mouth though the fabric of his trousers, over his straining cock, a shuddering breath tumbling out of him. saints, he looks like a vision. hair falling around his face, dark lashes framing the midnight sky of his eyes, pink tongue whisking past his lips. he’s never wanted like this before, his cock already leaking for attention even while kaz pulls his trousers down torturously slow, inch by miserable inch, an answer for all the times he’s eked out every bit of pleasure and more from kaz’s overstimulated body. he sucks in a steadying breath, briefly squeezing his eyes shut before meeting his gaze, forcing himself to focus. if he was being good, if kaz liked the thing that he was, then he wants to be more of that. wants to earn that praise again. ]
Yes. [ a hushed reply. he reaches out with trembling fingers, traces the line of his dark brows, feels the gentle rock of waves beneath them. a flush rises up his chest, creeping up his throat. yes, he’ll think of him like this, settled between his legs like he belongs there, a place he couldn’t have imagined he could go when they first met. pride pulls at his mouth, a soft smile reaching all the way to his eyes as something warm unfurls in his chest, something he’s felt once before, so many years ago that he isn’t quick to put a name to it now. his hand curls around his ear, trailing down his jaw to the point of his chin, thumb pressing to his bottom lip, gently nudging in-between to wet the pad of his finger against his tongue. ] I can’t stop thinking about your mouth. How it feels on me. How it might feel on every part of me. If you —
[ another breath, his brow briefly creasing before he glides his wet thumb across kaz’s cheek, letting him go. he meet kaz’s hand the moment he sees him reach out, winding their fingers together and squeezing in gentle reassurance, as much for himself as for kaz. ] All the parts that you want.
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sharp pinches of pain blossom beneath kaz's mouth where he sucks bruises into his skin, a gratified breath cascading from nikolai's lips, the sensation grounding him. his eyes flutter open, watching kaz's lithe fingers move across his stomach. then he's here, poised above him, and nikolai surges up to meet him, a soft groan swallowed into their kiss. another when kaz's hand presses between his legs, his hips rising insistently in search of his touch. can kaz possibly want him as much as he does right now? it's all-consuming, scorching him from the inside out, desperation filling every part of him. saints, he wants him. he'll die if he doesn't have him, if kaz suddenly changes his mind and comes to his senses and realizes he doesn't need him after all. just like his family, his crew. just like ravka.
he tries chasing his mouth when kaz breaks the kiss, his head falling back against the pillow when he slips from his reach. is this it? is this the end? he shuts his eyes, trying to quiet his mind again, trying to find his way through the cloying need trembling through him. there’s nothing here to hide behind, no mask or armor to shield himself with now that he’s confessed to the depth of his desire. what does kaz need? that’s the important thing, that’s what’s always been the important thing here. if he can just be needed.
he starts suddenly, finding kaz fitting himself between his legs. feels his warm mouth though the fabric of his trousers, over his straining cock, a shuddering breath tumbling out of him. saints, he looks like a vision. hair falling around his face, dark lashes framing the midnight sky of his eyes, pink tongue whisking past his lips. he’s never wanted like this before, his cock already leaking for attention even while kaz pulls his trousers down torturously slow, inch by miserable inch, an answer for all the times he’s eked out every bit of pleasure and more from kaz’s overstimulated body. he sucks in a steadying breath, briefly squeezing his eyes shut before meeting his gaze, forcing himself to focus. if he was being good, if kaz liked the thing that he was, then he wants to be more of that. wants to earn that praise again. ]
Yes. [ a hushed reply. he reaches out with trembling fingers, traces the line of his dark brows, feels the gentle rock of waves beneath them. a flush rises up his chest, creeping up his throat. yes, he’ll think of him like this, settled between his legs like he belongs there, a place he couldn’t have imagined he could go when they first met. pride pulls at his mouth, a soft smile reaching all the way to his eyes as something warm unfurls in his chest, something he’s felt once before, so many years ago that he isn’t quick to put a name to it now. his hand curls around his ear, trailing down his jaw to the point of his chin, thumb pressing to his bottom lip, gently nudging in-between to wet the pad of his finger against his tongue. ] I can’t stop thinking about your mouth. How it feels on me. How it might feel on every part of me. If you —
[ another breath, his brow briefly creasing before he glides his wet thumb across kaz’s cheek, letting him go. he meet kaz’s hand the moment he sees him reach out, winding their fingers together and squeezing in gentle reassurance, as much for himself as for kaz. ] All the parts that you want.