[ kaz is going to pull away. the sudden realization fills him with a sinking horror, the cold truth that he did break this beyond repair settling like a heavy stone in the pit of his stomach. he's not saying anything, just staring like he always does, the blue of his eyes turned to him in the darkness, close but unmoving, a hundred thoughts churning away that nikolai has no hope of deciphering. he wants to shake him, to rattle all the things he won't say right out of his head, but kaz is not a toy. and nikolai did this to himself.
end this misery. why did he say anything at all? why did he even come here? the same reason he does anything. foolish hope. he's a breath from pulling away when kaz finally speaks, stealing the string of inane excuses lined up in his throat with words nikolai doesn't expect to hear. he can never predict when kaz is going to drop a bit of scathing wit to pull a grin from him or if he's going to say something that will leave a part of him permanently scorched for better or for worse. it's part of the terrible thrill of knowing kaz brekker.
this is the latter. a bridge in the gaping abyss he's been facing for months, the ropes worn, the wood rotten. so take it. take the time. can he? a sane man wouldn't attempt to cross it. he'll fall to his death. so what if he does? start with what you want. this again. what does he want? is it enough to just want this? to find the sky in kaz's eyes, to feel the warm flush of his cheeks against his careful fingertips? he can't do this to him. can't make a drowning man his anchor. but right now nikolai is drowning too, has been drowning for months, and kaz is granting him permission to come up for air, however that looks like.
but what if it looks like dragging him into the dark with him? the thought doesn't have time to linger, not when kaz kisses it away so quickly that nikolai is unsure it even happened. what it a mistake? maybe. but the second time isn't, not with the purposeful way kaz drags him in by his collar, their mouths crashing with all the inevitability of the shore meeting the tide. desire cuts cleanly through his doubts, pushing kaz down into the rumpled sheets of the bed, the puzzle knocked to the floor, the bone light lost somewhere in the covers. one hand braces against the pillow, the other tilting kaz's jaw up as his mouth seeks the wild pulse at his throat, pressing his tongue to the unsteady lilt, alive. ]
I want you. [ his mouth sucks sharply at the delicate skin, then soothes it with a kiss, reddened and ready to bloom into a bruise. don't go is on the tip of his tongue again, but he's already asked. he'll have to hope it's enough. his fingers trace the line of his jaw, the curve of his lips, then skate lower down his chest and past his hips, ghosting to his inner thigh where he seeks out his soft skin and the scar he knows is there, remembering the bandage he'd wrapped around his leg the last night they were together in fjerda. he presses a breathless kiss to his mouth, eyes fluttering open in a desperate, dangerous plea. ] If I can't have you, I don't want the rest. I don't want any of it anymore. Just this. You.
[ sealed with another kiss, as if it he doesn't want kaz to be able to say anything reasonable to his witless claims. he doesn't want reason or logic. he doesn't want kaz to point out his obvious delusions or even the unfair burdens he's placing squarely on his shoulders. he just wants this. he breaks the kiss to drag his mouth down the line of his throat, down his chest, down the flat planes of his stomach until he noses at his cock without warning, lifting kaz's pale legs to hook them over his shoulders as he eases his hips up. he kisses the head of his cock and laps his tongue out to gently slide the tip past his lips, his eyes hazy and dark as he finds kaz's gaze in the dim light. ]
no subject
end this misery. why did he say anything at all? why did he even come here? the same reason he does anything. foolish hope. he's a breath from pulling away when kaz finally speaks, stealing the string of inane excuses lined up in his throat with words nikolai doesn't expect to hear. he can never predict when kaz is going to drop a bit of scathing wit to pull a grin from him or if he's going to say something that will leave a part of him permanently scorched for better or for worse. it's part of the terrible thrill of knowing kaz brekker.
this is the latter. a bridge in the gaping abyss he's been facing for months, the ropes worn, the wood rotten. so take it. take the time. can he? a sane man wouldn't attempt to cross it. he'll fall to his death. so what if he does? start with what you want. this again. what does he want? is it enough to just want this? to find the sky in kaz's eyes, to feel the warm flush of his cheeks against his careful fingertips? he can't do this to him. can't make a drowning man his anchor. but right now nikolai is drowning too, has been drowning for months, and kaz is granting him permission to come up for air, however that looks like.
but what if it looks like dragging him into the dark with him? the thought doesn't have time to linger, not when kaz kisses it away so quickly that nikolai is unsure it even happened. what it a mistake? maybe. but the second time isn't, not with the purposeful way kaz drags him in by his collar, their mouths crashing with all the inevitability of the shore meeting the tide. desire cuts cleanly through his doubts, pushing kaz down into the rumpled sheets of the bed, the puzzle knocked to the floor, the bone light lost somewhere in the covers. one hand braces against the pillow, the other tilting kaz's jaw up as his mouth seeks the wild pulse at his throat, pressing his tongue to the unsteady lilt, alive. ]
I want you. [ his mouth sucks sharply at the delicate skin, then soothes it with a kiss, reddened and ready to bloom into a bruise. don't go is on the tip of his tongue again, but he's already asked. he'll have to hope it's enough. his fingers trace the line of his jaw, the curve of his lips, then skate lower down his chest and past his hips, ghosting to his inner thigh where he seeks out his soft skin and the scar he knows is there, remembering the bandage he'd wrapped around his leg the last night they were together in fjerda. he presses a breathless kiss to his mouth, eyes fluttering open in a desperate, dangerous plea. ] If I can't have you, I don't want the rest. I don't want any of it anymore. Just this. You.
[ sealed with another kiss, as if it he doesn't want kaz to be able to say anything reasonable to his witless claims. he doesn't want reason or logic. he doesn't want kaz to point out his obvious delusions or even the unfair burdens he's placing squarely on his shoulders. he just wants this. he breaks the kiss to drag his mouth down the line of his throat, down his chest, down the flat planes of his stomach until he noses at his cock without warning, lifting kaz's pale legs to hook them over his shoulders as he eases his hips up. he kisses the head of his cock and laps his tongue out to gently slide the tip past his lips, his eyes hazy and dark as he finds kaz's gaze in the dim light. ]