[ kaz knows that he’s the one sinking again, asking nikolai to keep him above the waterline when he can’t. no one can. you have to let go, of nikolai’s tenor groans and intimate fantasies.
the stretch edges into something aching. a gasp opens his throat, breath stuttering after it. he notices nikolai shift in time to lean into his momentum, and it lands him on his back. vulnerable, teeth perfectly placed to draw blood. the pounding in his skull — like a gunshot grazed his ear — only quiets as nikolai smears kisses down his neck instead of tearing into the skin.
a flash of green meets his gaze, like the fields of lij outstretched before him. past encroaching on his present, the way the future reaches backwards to seize nikolai. he remembers, then, that it isn’t easy for nikolai either. tangling a hand in his hair, kaz meets his kiss with sudden surety, pressing one into another, pecks yawning into deep drags. better to drown in this (heart swelling, lungs full) than the harbour. anticipation coils in his stomach — or perhaps that’s nausea and nerves swirling together.
when nikolai guides his legs higher, kaz hooks them at his waist, the right looser than left. stay. tensions ekes out of him as he lets his head fall back. for a little longer. nikolai pushes inside, a tighter but more satisfying stretch, and he whines through his teeth, only returning his stare until it burns. too much like being pinned under the microscope and plucked apart.
no one else has stolen a glimpse of him this unguarded, and yet he lets nikolai look his fill. after a few weeks and a good fuck. blunt nails dig into nikolai’d shoulder, features scrunching then smoothing with effort. you still have me as tender as nikolai’s tremulous efforts to soothe him with taction. yes, somehow after everything he said, nikolai came back. ]
Yes — [ back arching to return the favour and feel the incremental shift inside him. overwhelming, always overwhelming, with nikolai. ] Against all odds. [ a huffed breath that’s half-laugh. the odds of nikolai having him or him having nikolai are minuscule, even without accounting for the impossibility of their wants dovetailing in the present moment. ] I’ll stay. [ a little longer, as long as nikolai needs him, no, only as long as he can afford to — which isn’t enough. fuck, it’s not going to be enough. quickly — ] If you keep talking. [ can’t help but needle and bargain. ] Tell me how it feels.
[ he turns his head into nikolai’s touch, brushing a kiss over his fingertips and parting his mouth to invite them to press inside. ]
no subject
the stretch edges into something aching. a gasp opens his throat, breath stuttering after it. he notices nikolai shift in time to lean into his momentum, and it lands him on his back. vulnerable, teeth perfectly placed to draw blood. the pounding in his skull — like a gunshot grazed his ear — only quiets as nikolai smears kisses down his neck instead of tearing into the skin.
a flash of green meets his gaze, like the fields of lij outstretched before him. past encroaching on his present, the way the future reaches backwards to seize nikolai. he remembers, then, that it isn’t easy for nikolai either. tangling a hand in his hair, kaz meets his kiss with sudden surety, pressing one into another, pecks yawning into deep drags. better to drown in this (heart swelling, lungs full) than the harbour. anticipation coils in his stomach — or perhaps that’s nausea and nerves swirling together.
when nikolai guides his legs higher, kaz hooks them at his waist, the right looser than left. stay. tensions ekes out of him as he lets his head fall back. for a little longer. nikolai pushes inside, a tighter but more satisfying stretch, and he whines through his teeth, only returning his stare until it burns. too much like being pinned under the microscope and plucked apart.
no one else has stolen a glimpse of him this unguarded, and yet he lets nikolai look his fill. after a few weeks and a good fuck. blunt nails dig into nikolai’d shoulder, features scrunching then smoothing with effort. you still have me as tender as nikolai’s tremulous efforts to soothe him with taction. yes, somehow after everything he said, nikolai came back. ]
Yes — [ back arching to return the favour and feel the incremental shift inside him. overwhelming, always overwhelming, with nikolai. ] Against all odds. [ a huffed breath that’s half-laugh. the odds of nikolai having him or him having nikolai are minuscule, even without accounting for the impossibility of their wants dovetailing in the present moment. ] I’ll stay. [ a little longer, as long as nikolai needs him, no, only as long as he can afford to — which isn’t enough. fuck, it’s not going to be enough. quickly — ] If you keep talking. [ can’t help but needle and bargain. ] Tell me how it feels.
[ he turns his head into nikolai’s touch, brushing a kiss over his fingertips and parting his mouth to invite them to press inside. ]