[ with kaz mere inches from him, he's never felt further away. untouchable, off limits. nikolai vowed it to himself again and again in this room, that all of his yearning had to come to an abrupt end. where he used to find comfort and excitement in imagining the sweep of his fingers across kaz's little touched skin, now it heralds thoughts of blood and hurt. can no longer trust himself to be any sort of safe refuge for kaz's burgeoning needs. his chest heaves, eyes shuttering. they glimmer hazel when they open again, his gaze sliding past kaz in an attempt to ease the sharp ache inside. as if it wasn't enough to lose his country. now this, too.
the words kaz says are nonsensical for long moments, only half-listening, desperate to go back to the thorn wood, to turn over every stone in search of answers. then something snags in his mind, snapping him to attention, a bolt of unwanted fear streaking through his core. ]
Is it speaking to you? [ should've bit me a smidge higher. kaz's pulse roars with renewed fervor, and nikolai watches his thumb dig into his throat, harder, kaz's gaze unflinching. nikolai's panic builds, his control slipping. when? just now, of course. he could do anything to him and wouldn't remember until it was far too late. might never remember. kaz never seems to grasp the severity of his condition — perhaps he just has too much faith in him, or too much reckless arrogance in himself. why isn't he afraid? it's the last thought he has before blood beads from the wound at his neck, the monster's hunger snatching command. this time his shadowy wings burst forth, shifting pieces of wispy darkness brushing the ceiling, plunging the room into deeper gloom. kaz's bone light offers only the dimmest glow, casting them both in shadows, nikolai's eyes once again the color of pitch, his skin fractured like glass, onyx teeth glinting.
his words turn rough, his bared fangs level with kaz's throat as his wings beat wildly, chains clattering. ] You know why he turns away from you? Why he left your bed? Because you're not enough. The things he desires most, you can never give him. The words he wishes to give to you, you have no room in your heart to take. Why do you think he always leaves you without a word? You'll never be any of the things he truly values. You'll always be that half-dead boy drowning among the corpses, desperate for a little bit of light.
[ a vile crack sounds, the chain binding his right hand rattling before it abruptly sags, then falls to the ground, his wrist sliding free, the bone light revealing his thumb broken at an unnatural angle. he dives for kaz's bad leg, his claws sinking into his thigh as they both hit the ground, the sudden shock of pain jolting nikolai back to himself. blood. the stench of it fills his senses, his hand slick with it as he rolls onto his side. even in the darkness he can see blood soaking kaz's trousers, his heartbeat going still. he pushes up, scrambling toward him, but his remaining chains pull taut, snapping him back. a ragged breath falls from his lips. ]
Let me out. You have to. [ his voice breaks, words unsteady. he has to give in. if the demon takes control once more, kaz won't be quick enough to make it up the stairs on that leg. ] Pick the locks. Just let me out, Brekker, otherwise — I'm afraid I can't stop myself from killing you. [ he thrusts out his bound wrist. ] Let me go and I'll come back for you.
no subject
the words kaz says are nonsensical for long moments, only half-listening, desperate to go back to the thorn wood, to turn over every stone in search of answers. then something snags in his mind, snapping him to attention, a bolt of unwanted fear streaking through his core. ]
Is it speaking to you? [ should've bit me a smidge higher. kaz's pulse roars with renewed fervor, and nikolai watches his thumb dig into his throat, harder, kaz's gaze unflinching. nikolai's panic builds, his control slipping. when? just now, of course. he could do anything to him and wouldn't remember until it was far too late. might never remember. kaz never seems to grasp the severity of his condition — perhaps he just has too much faith in him, or too much reckless arrogance in himself. why isn't he afraid? it's the last thought he has before blood beads from the wound at his neck, the monster's hunger snatching command. this time his shadowy wings burst forth, shifting pieces of wispy darkness brushing the ceiling, plunging the room into deeper gloom. kaz's bone light offers only the dimmest glow, casting them both in shadows, nikolai's eyes once again the color of pitch, his skin fractured like glass, onyx teeth glinting.
his words turn rough, his bared fangs level with kaz's throat as his wings beat wildly, chains clattering. ] You know why he turns away from you? Why he left your bed? Because you're not enough. The things he desires most, you can never give him. The words he wishes to give to you, you have no room in your heart to take. Why do you think he always leaves you without a word? You'll never be any of the things he truly values. You'll always be that half-dead boy drowning among the corpses, desperate for a little bit of light.
[ a vile crack sounds, the chain binding his right hand rattling before it abruptly sags, then falls to the ground, his wrist sliding free, the bone light revealing his thumb broken at an unnatural angle. he dives for kaz's bad leg, his claws sinking into his thigh as they both hit the ground, the sudden shock of pain jolting nikolai back to himself. blood. the stench of it fills his senses, his hand slick with it as he rolls onto his side. even in the darkness he can see blood soaking kaz's trousers, his heartbeat going still. he pushes up, scrambling toward him, but his remaining chains pull taut, snapping him back. a ragged breath falls from his lips. ]
Let me out. You have to. [ his voice breaks, words unsteady. he has to give in. if the demon takes control once more, kaz won't be quick enough to make it up the stairs on that leg. ] Pick the locks. Just let me out, Brekker, otherwise — I'm afraid I can't stop myself from killing you. [ he thrusts out his bound wrist. ] Let me go and I'll come back for you.