No. [ in response to the command to leave, nikolai sailing him anywhere, and shooting nikolai. a versatile counter, all things considered. his hair falls in his face again, and he cards his hand back through the whole of it, eyes closing as he gives into the sensation. it’s hard to see in the dim light, but exhaustion darkens the soft skin beneath his lashes and deepens the lines on his face. evenly, then — ] It’s never going to heal. I broke it jumping off the roof of a bank, and then I set it the wrong way. [ the perils of haphazard realignment all by one’s lonesome. he knows that isn’t what nikolai means but that he finds these true morsels overly fascinating, picking them up and turning them over in his scarred hands. he also knows that even if it’s more than he’s ever given anyone else, it’s still not enough.
kaz closes his book, pen tucked inside to hold his place, and slowly lifts his head, tilting it to the side as his icy gaze settles on nikolai. you already looked your fill. after dimitri awakened him first, panic flowing from his mouth and hands, shaking his shoulders. a steady touch wiped the blood from his throat to ignite his pulse the way only someone uninitiated would dare touch him — didn’t meant to knock you out, boss. are you alright, boss. boss, is that — a headache and a half, his heartbeat and nausea running competitive currents through him, keeping his corpse shambling along. he imagines nikolai is animated by a similar duality now.
his mouth twitches, wanting to give away more than he’ll allow. ]
I know. [ that it’s nikolai, that he ought to see zenik, that nikolai would rather like to be shot in the head. ] The more I talk with the other you, the better I am at spotting the differences — and the similarities. [ for a moment, kaz looks away to slip his gloved hands under his thigh and swings his leg off the chair, careful to extend it slowly. the familiar ache of his old injury tangles with the searing burn of the new. merzost. something he’s learned more about since stealing from the ravkan palace’s grand library. ] It doesn’t want to kill me. [ a swift amendment. ] Not as a priority. It’d prefer to scare me into abandoning you willingly. Why do you think it attacked me somewhere that makes no difference? [ seeing as he already has a marvellous cane, leaning against his chair. ] I have two theories so far. The first is that it would like to isolate you. Maybe that would allow it to consume you and take control permanently. You went under faster and longer after being alone than you did in my room after being with me. [ it was seamless in both instances, regardless, something they need to unpick. ] The second is — it’s you. [ kaz bores into him, dreading and anticipating a reaction to his quiet observations. ] Part of you. Because you try to protect me the same way — by hurting me enough to create distance between us. And sometimes, I let you. [ a quick dip of his chin, acknowledging it to himself. ] But not anymore. I won’t leave you alone with your demons, Nikolai. [ he said that a long time ago and meant it. means it still, an oath renewed. sealed in blood. ]
I think we should feed it. [ we. a beat. he blinks and then gestures between them, as if that explains how his theories led him to this action. ] Livestock.
[ not people, which he admittedly suggested previously. ]
no subject
kaz closes his book, pen tucked inside to hold his place, and slowly lifts his head, tilting it to the side as his icy gaze settles on nikolai. you already looked your fill. after dimitri awakened him first, panic flowing from his mouth and hands, shaking his shoulders. a steady touch wiped the blood from his throat to ignite his pulse the way only someone uninitiated would dare touch him — didn’t meant to knock you out, boss. are you alright, boss. boss, is that — a headache and a half, his heartbeat and nausea running competitive currents through him, keeping his corpse shambling along. he imagines nikolai is animated by a similar duality now.
his mouth twitches, wanting to give away more than he’ll allow. ]
I know. [ that it’s nikolai, that he ought to see zenik, that nikolai would rather like to be shot in the head. ] The more I talk with the other you, the better I am at spotting the differences — and the similarities. [ for a moment, kaz looks away to slip his gloved hands under his thigh and swings his leg off the chair, careful to extend it slowly. the familiar ache of his old injury tangles with the searing burn of the new. merzost. something he’s learned more about since stealing from the ravkan palace’s grand library. ] It doesn’t want to kill me. [ a swift amendment. ] Not as a priority. It’d prefer to scare me into abandoning you willingly. Why do you think it attacked me somewhere that makes no difference? [ seeing as he already has a marvellous cane, leaning against his chair. ] I have two theories so far. The first is that it would like to isolate you. Maybe that would allow it to consume you and take control permanently. You went under faster and longer after being alone than you did in my room after being with me. [ it was seamless in both instances, regardless, something they need to unpick. ] The second is — it’s you. [ kaz bores into him, dreading and anticipating a reaction to his quiet observations. ] Part of you. Because you try to protect me the same way — by hurting me enough to create distance between us. And sometimes, I let you. [ a quick dip of his chin, acknowledging it to himself. ] But not anymore. I won’t leave you alone with your demons, Nikolai. [ he said that a long time ago and meant it. means it still, an oath renewed. sealed in blood. ]
I think we should feed it. [ we. a beat. he blinks and then gestures between them, as if that explains how his theories led him to this action. ] Livestock.
[ not people, which he admittedly suggested previously. ]