Everything I do is part of the job. [ the job of being kaz brekker, crafting and maintaining his fearsome image, retaining control of ketterdam. kaz suspects the normalcy nikolai desires for him is something he’d like for himself — a prince’s fantasy of being a pauper. he can admit there’s a charm to it, but the simplicity of that life wouldn’t have satisfied him.
no, not a pauper, a pirate. like inej. is there something in nikolai’s blood that makes him love the sea? he looks surer on the wobbling deck. the freedom must retain its appeal, after the rigidness of his path to the crown.
his processing snags somewhere between nikolai kneeling and uttering the phrase for you. ]
Clever things. [ crows, that is. what else can be said in the face of overwhelming care? ] I’ll test it for you. [ inej is the only person he writes with regularity. ] But why not test it’s capacity for distance, too? Your twins will be missing their guiding light. [ even if nikolai’s hurt has cut him off from zoya, there are so many others who love him. kaz shucks his gloves off and unbuttons the tight line up his neck before pulling his shirt over his head. knowing nikolai, any spare clothing on board the sapfiry will be frilly and colourful. best not to ruin what he brought. ] You know my leg has been a factor for over a decade, at this point. [ long enough to understand it intimately, however much the pain ebbs and flows. it’s his final protest against the notion that he can’t swim, which seems to have grown from a small sample size of troubling events. at least nikolai has decided this is a solvable problem.
still, kaz slips under the water without taking his hand. a final show of stubbornness. knowing that nikolai comes from a place of affection means that, logically, he should accept it, but the idea of being seen as incapable chafes against his very self. when he resurfaces, it’s inches from nikolai. he slicks back his hair with both hands and kicks slowly with his good leg to stay afloat. ]
I considered coming up behind you and pushing you under. [ always got jordie that way. speed and surprise are key to defeating a big brother. ] But I’m under orders not to come in kicking, and I suppose I am doubly injured. [ he finally takes nikolai’s hand, drawing it to his bare chest to demonstrate his even breaths. never would have thought he’d be the one without armour, for a change. ] Any notes? [ on his breathing technique. he blows out an exhale in the interest of being an annoyance (and daring nikolai to nudge him into place himself). a beat. ] Are you certain you can be still long enough to float with me?
[ in truth, he’d rather swim than float, with the sense-memory of the reaper’s barge lurking in his periphery. nikolai asked for this, however — when asking for anything troubles him. kaz has already decided to play along, even if it means choking on rot. he’s done that for nikolai before, after all. ]
the date…i do not see it
no, not a pauper, a pirate. like inej. is there something in nikolai’s blood that makes him love the sea? he looks surer on the wobbling deck. the freedom must retain its appeal, after the rigidness of his path to the crown.
his processing snags somewhere between nikolai kneeling and uttering the phrase for you. ]
Clever things. [ crows, that is. what else can be said in the face of overwhelming care? ] I’ll test it for you. [ inej is the only person he writes with regularity. ] But why not test it’s capacity for distance, too? Your twins will be missing their guiding light. [ even if nikolai’s hurt has cut him off from zoya, there are so many others who love him. kaz shucks his gloves off and unbuttons the tight line up his neck before pulling his shirt over his head. knowing nikolai, any spare clothing on board the sapfiry will be frilly and colourful. best not to ruin what he brought. ] You know my leg has been a factor for over a decade, at this point. [ long enough to understand it intimately, however much the pain ebbs and flows. it’s his final protest against the notion that he can’t swim, which seems to have grown from a small sample size of troubling events. at least nikolai has decided this is a solvable problem.
still, kaz slips under the water without taking his hand. a final show of stubbornness. knowing that nikolai comes from a place of affection means that, logically, he should accept it, but the idea of being seen as incapable chafes against his very self. when he resurfaces, it’s inches from nikolai. he slicks back his hair with both hands and kicks slowly with his good leg to stay afloat. ]
I considered coming up behind you and pushing you under. [ always got jordie that way. speed and surprise are key to defeating a big brother. ] But I’m under orders not to come in kicking, and I suppose I am doubly injured. [ he finally takes nikolai’s hand, drawing it to his bare chest to demonstrate his even breaths. never would have thought he’d be the one without armour, for a change. ] Any notes? [ on his breathing technique. he blows out an exhale in the interest of being an annoyance (and daring nikolai to nudge him into place himself). a beat. ] Are you certain you can be still long enough to float with me?
[ in truth, he’d rather swim than float, with the sense-memory of the reaper’s barge lurking in his periphery. nikolai asked for this, however — when asking for anything troubles him. kaz has already decided to play along, even if it means choking on rot. he’s done that for nikolai before, after all. ]