[ a wall goes up between them, erected in the face of his own inadequacy. he's a pendulum swinging back and forth, towards kaz and then away. inevitable that he'll return again — and swing away again, because he can't imagine a life without kaz haunting it. too many times he's come far too close to losing him, the sharp scent of blood and the shivers he can feel beneath the soft fabric of his clothes serving as grim reminders that death still hangs over them now, a ghost he hasn't been able to shake since his days at war. it's what he's owed, perhaps, for all the lives he's taken — lucid choices, decisions made of his own free will long before he had the demon to blame.
warm fur spills over his shoulders, magicked into place by kaz's clever hands. a surprising gesture, and one that makes him think of how few times they've been allowed to share an intimacy like this. tangled covers, the press of limbs, the shroud of night. nikolai mourns the sight of kaz's pale skin disappearing beneath his neat buttons, reaching for the flask of tea and swallowing down a sweetened mouthful, the soothing warmth spreading through his chest and reminding him of the ache of missing home. ]
There's hardly anything in Fjerda worth stealing. Maybe one of their tanks for tinkering with. [ their bloated military might had been both criminal and impressive at once, though serving as their target certainly diminished much of his awe. a flash of cold snow and hot blood skitters through his mind, a sour taste rushing to his tongue. he switches the tea for brandy, lounging back on the cushioned pile beneath them and carefully snaking out his free hand to idly circle kaz's bicep, his fingers tracing his tattoo from memory. ] Yes, stories of your foolhardy adventure to the Ice Court were much discussed at the palace, mostly by me, because I couldn't figure out how you did it. I suppose I was taken by you even earlier than I realized. [ he huffs out a laugh, gently squeezing his shoulder. ] Zoya wanted to have you shot for leading Nina astray.
[ her anger had been so comically palpable while nikolai's fascination had simply grown as each bit of the story unfolded, his eyes firmly on brekker without even knowing who he was or where this boy had even come from. his gaze strays to him now, his profile illuminated by the moonlight, dark hair a tousled mess from his haphazard toweling. nikolai reaches out with his stained gloves and gently tucks back a windblown lock, fingers curling around the shell of kaz's ear. who else gets to see him like this, the boy beneath the hardened lines and severe looks? nikolai will never tire of it. ]
I meant for you to find peace somewhere in the water. [ he wanted to somehow give him that, arrogant enough to believe that he could. still trying to be useful. kaz had so easily pegged him right, his foolish desires priced too high tonight. he can at least take him to fjerda, at least get him to zenik. and then what? their time is always running out. his fingers skate gently down the line of his throat, shifting to the nape of his neck. after a moment he's coaxing kaz back, drawing him in so he settles against his heartbeat, his dark hair tickling the edge of his jaw.
he allows him a moment to settle — or a moment to pull away, but he'll have to make a conscious choice to leave the circle of his arms, pulling the furs close around kaz. an apology of sorts, for making him dive into the depths to fetch him, or maybe just to warm him, to chase the dark waters from his head, to remind him that he's above the sea now, as safe as can be with a man of questionable control. warm breath soaks through kaz's hair when nikolai drops his lips to his crown. ] I've no right to ask you for anything, but — give me this one night with you. One night of rest. I don't want to go back, because then — you'll go. [ a shaky breath, his eyes shuttering. ] You don't like my neighborhood.
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warm fur spills over his shoulders, magicked into place by kaz's clever hands. a surprising gesture, and one that makes him think of how few times they've been allowed to share an intimacy like this. tangled covers, the press of limbs, the shroud of night. nikolai mourns the sight of kaz's pale skin disappearing beneath his neat buttons, reaching for the flask of tea and swallowing down a sweetened mouthful, the soothing warmth spreading through his chest and reminding him of the ache of missing home. ]
There's hardly anything in Fjerda worth stealing. Maybe one of their tanks for tinkering with. [ their bloated military might had been both criminal and impressive at once, though serving as their target certainly diminished much of his awe. a flash of cold snow and hot blood skitters through his mind, a sour taste rushing to his tongue. he switches the tea for brandy, lounging back on the cushioned pile beneath them and carefully snaking out his free hand to idly circle kaz's bicep, his fingers tracing his tattoo from memory. ] Yes, stories of your foolhardy adventure to the Ice Court were much discussed at the palace, mostly by me, because I couldn't figure out how you did it. I suppose I was taken by you even earlier than I realized. [ he huffs out a laugh, gently squeezing his shoulder. ] Zoya wanted to have you shot for leading Nina astray.
[ her anger had been so comically palpable while nikolai's fascination had simply grown as each bit of the story unfolded, his eyes firmly on brekker without even knowing who he was or where this boy had even come from. his gaze strays to him now, his profile illuminated by the moonlight, dark hair a tousled mess from his haphazard toweling. nikolai reaches out with his stained gloves and gently tucks back a windblown lock, fingers curling around the shell of kaz's ear. who else gets to see him like this, the boy beneath the hardened lines and severe looks? nikolai will never tire of it. ]
I meant for you to find peace somewhere in the water. [ he wanted to somehow give him that, arrogant enough to believe that he could. still trying to be useful. kaz had so easily pegged him right, his foolish desires priced too high tonight. he can at least take him to fjerda, at least get him to zenik. and then what? their time is always running out. his fingers skate gently down the line of his throat, shifting to the nape of his neck. after a moment he's coaxing kaz back, drawing him in so he settles against his heartbeat, his dark hair tickling the edge of his jaw.
he allows him a moment to settle — or a moment to pull away, but he'll have to make a conscious choice to leave the circle of his arms, pulling the furs close around kaz. an apology of sorts, for making him dive into the depths to fetch him, or maybe just to warm him, to chase the dark waters from his head, to remind him that he's above the sea now, as safe as can be with a man of questionable control. warm breath soaks through kaz's hair when nikolai drops his lips to his crown. ] I've no right to ask you for anything, but — give me this one night with you. One night of rest. I don't want to go back, because then — you'll go. [ a shaky breath, his eyes shuttering. ] You don't like my neighborhood.