[ as nikolai’s focus softens, kaz tenses and holds his gaze. am i your lever? it’s as hard to believe as the words nikolai gifts now, which kaz categorises as well-intentioned but proven untrue. how many things has kaz asked for that nikolai refused to give him? his only request in fjerda had been that nikolai fight to save himself rather than give in to immolation. in his bedroom, he’d asked nikolai to stay after the demon first intruded on them. a righteous desertion, maybe, for what he did to nikolai in ravka. ]
[ arching his brows, ] Careful, Lantsov. [ the things he’s been thinking about on his own may very well have led them here. if nothing else, sharing those desires with nikolai worsened the fractures in the delusion that was holding him together. ] If I repeat my wants, you’ll have to drown yourself in the sink. [ instead of diving into the depths. in all matters related to the demon, nikolai has been forgiven without second thought. in the matter of his twice-fold rejection last night, however — ] I’d hold you under myself, but you’d enjoy it too much. [ his mouth tugs slightly downward, not allowed to express the extent of his displeasure. ]
[ the sun rises higher in the sky, afternoon light washing over them. when nikolai finally answers him, he stills. don’t apologise. a long-held breath escapes him. he keeps himself from saying the instinctive, wanting response, hard not to think of you. kaz thinks of nikolai whether or not he has him in hand, and certainly with his mouth pressed against his, even as every hungry push hit at an unfamiliar angle. he resumes nudging his food around the plate, listening but not looking until nikolai slides the map into his peripheral vision.
despite their miserable circumstances, it’s thrilling to have this part of nikolai back: his brilliant mind set to an impossible puzzle. the stops range from interesting — ehri and her beautiful treasury — to unpleasant — zoya and her thunderous disappointment. a couple bites of his breakfast save him from thoughtless contributions. if it were his decision, kaz would drag nikolai’s dinner on board and sail non-stop to finish this. it isn’t. it can’t be, given the uniquely personal terrors involved (and how reluctant nikolai has been to lift himself out of stagnation to act until now, besides).
at the prospect of scheming, his eyes brighten. his gaze meets nikolai’s once again, assessing his seriousness. after a pause, he shrugs into an off-handed answer. ]
Something about us both dying horribly. [ to be expected of the demon, and of himself, frankly. thieves like him never die peacefully. he speaks slowly, each word measured and selected. ] If you feed tonight, that’s a good-faith offering. Proof you can be swayed — and that I can be trusted. [ strengthening the link between kaz brekker and survival. ] That buys us at least seven days. [ the timing beyond that will prove tricky, especially when they’re reneging the other notable condition of the deal. human flesh. ] The demon wants to be useful — the way it was to you in the war — and, perhaps, not to be alone, but food is the only currency that we know it understands. [ he rests his chin on his hand, elbow propped on the table. ] If we’re withholding it, even out of necessity — we need to sweeten the deal. [ a pointed look seems to hint that he knows nikolai won’t like any of the plans that occur to him. ] Let it feed on me, the way it did last night, until we find a better solution.
[ nikolai will want this to be temporary, if he can stomach it at all. what else does kaz brekker have to offer? a strange closeness? a kind of understanding of the demon’s role? another kiss? all juvenile, compared to a basic need delivered in an appealing fashion. ]
no subject
[ arching his brows, ] Careful, Lantsov. [ the things he’s been thinking about on his own may very well have led them here. if nothing else, sharing those desires with nikolai worsened the fractures in the delusion that was holding him together. ] If I repeat my wants, you’ll have to drown yourself in the sink. [ instead of diving into the depths. in all matters related to the demon, nikolai has been forgiven without second thought. in the matter of his twice-fold rejection last night, however — ] I’d hold you under myself, but you’d enjoy it too much. [ his mouth tugs slightly downward, not allowed to express the extent of his displeasure. ]
[ the sun rises higher in the sky, afternoon light washing over them. when nikolai finally answers him, he stills. don’t apologise. a long-held breath escapes him. he keeps himself from saying the instinctive, wanting response, hard not to think of you. kaz thinks of nikolai whether or not he has him in hand, and certainly with his mouth pressed against his, even as every hungry push hit at an unfamiliar angle. he resumes nudging his food around the plate, listening but not looking until nikolai slides the map into his peripheral vision.
despite their miserable circumstances, it’s thrilling to have this part of nikolai back: his brilliant mind set to an impossible puzzle. the stops range from interesting — ehri and her beautiful treasury — to unpleasant — zoya and her thunderous disappointment. a couple bites of his breakfast save him from thoughtless contributions. if it were his decision, kaz would drag nikolai’s dinner on board and sail non-stop to finish this. it isn’t. it can’t be, given the uniquely personal terrors involved (and how reluctant nikolai has been to lift himself out of stagnation to act until now, besides).
at the prospect of scheming, his eyes brighten. his gaze meets nikolai’s once again, assessing his seriousness. after a pause, he shrugs into an off-handed answer. ]
Something about us both dying horribly. [ to be expected of the demon, and of himself, frankly. thieves like him never die peacefully. he speaks slowly, each word measured and selected. ] If you feed tonight, that’s a good-faith offering. Proof you can be swayed — and that I can be trusted. [ strengthening the link between kaz brekker and survival. ] That buys us at least seven days. [ the timing beyond that will prove tricky, especially when they’re reneging the other notable condition of the deal. human flesh. ] The demon wants to be useful — the way it was to you in the war — and, perhaps, not to be alone, but food is the only currency that we know it understands. [ he rests his chin on his hand, elbow propped on the table. ] If we’re withholding it, even out of necessity — we need to sweeten the deal. [ a pointed look seems to hint that he knows nikolai won’t like any of the plans that occur to him. ] Let it feed on me, the way it did last night, until we find a better solution.
[ nikolai will want this to be temporary, if he can stomach it at all. what else does kaz brekker have to offer? a strange closeness? a kind of understanding of the demon’s role? another kiss? all juvenile, compared to a basic need delivered in an appealing fashion. ]