[ the shift in kaz's tone earns him an undivided glance, something in his mind stilling to make room for his words. at first it feels as though he's being led — something he decisively abhors, his brow creasing in automatic pushback, but the simple request gives him pause. stay where i am. he wants to. he needs to, otherwise his thoughts become a catastrophic tangle in his head, one thing leading to another, all of it disastrous. is it so simple as just setting this aside? it feels unwise to ignore all the ways this can go wrong, all the reasons he should pull back. he doesn't know if he has the courage to say it twice, to face the storm of hurt and anger on kaz's face when presented with his flimsy excuses. but isn't it better for him to be alive, even if he hates him? ]
Kaz. [ his name wrapped in a quiet breath. he looks away and then back again just as quickly, a hundred things on his tongue. stay. leave. kiss me. i have to let you go. he swallows them all down, tries to listen to one voice instead of the many pulling him in clashing directions. why did you have to decide that you wanted me? the hand between his legs stills into soft motions, his other hand rising to run the pad of his thumb across the flush standing out on kaz's cheeks. it's warm here, in the space where their breaths mingle, pale skin damp beneath his fingertips. stay where i am. maybe he should learn to take direction. he exhales, his chest falling, wry amusement in the sparkle of his eyes. ] Once and only once will I heed your advice. I'm here, where you are.
[ and he finds he doesn't mind the space. his mouth presses to his in a soft kiss, a gentle promise not to stray from this path. the sound that kaz makes — did he just laugh? — pulls a smile to his lips, followed by a laugh of his own when kaz pushes his face away. ] That's common knowledge, Brekker. I've always been insufferable.
[ his laughs cuts off into a groan as kaz sneaks his way into his trousers, his cock twitching in his fingers from the sudden attention. another first, kaz taking his desires into his own hand. nikolai fixes his gaze keenly on him as he wets his palm with his tongue, a rush of heat spreading up his neck from the sight. he's imagined it countless times, before they ever touched each other this way — kaz fisting his own cock in the darkness of his bed, the quietly rough noises he would make, the shudder of his body beneath his own touch. he blinks and kaz has him in hand again, drawing out a strained moan as his hips cant eagerly for more. ]
Yes. It's good. You're good. [ his hand quivers, fingers loose around kaz's cock. his mouth is like fire against his jaw, and he shifts swiftly to catch him in a disheveled kiss, his tongue pressing past his lips as his head empties, narrowing down to the pulse of heat and wet fingers. kaz's bare fingers, wringing a moan from his throat. skilled, despite never having touched him before. was there really no one? he finds he doesn't want to know if there was.
he can hardly keep pace, but — never being one to shy away from a challenge — he renews his strokes with ruthless vigor, panting against the heat of his mouth. when was the last time anyone touched him like this? he catches his thoughts before they stray, one hand sliding into kaz's hair, his touch decidedly gentle, careful of the cut at his temple. his fingers curl at the nape of his neck, keeping him close. another keening sound from his lips, another shudder as he presses his eyes shut. it's good — better than good, the sweetest ache that sends heat pooling low inside of him, his spine arching in a rush of breath. ]
Wait — wait, not yet. [ his fingers clamp around kaz's wrist, pulling his hand away, and then he's sliding back down between his legs, taking his cock in his mouth once more, tousled blond falling into his eyes. a groan rumbles deep in his throat as he swallows him down as far as he can, desperate to pull another cry out of him, to feel the way pleasure seizes his body. he pulls off with a gasp, his bright eyes hazy with lust. ] Come for me. And then make me come. [ his breath shudders over his glistening cock before he slides it past his lips again, eyes closing as he skims his hand blindly along kaz's side, turning his palm up for him to take if he needs to, or even if he simply wants to. ]
no subject
Kaz. [ his name wrapped in a quiet breath. he looks away and then back again just as quickly, a hundred things on his tongue. stay. leave. kiss me. i have to let you go. he swallows them all down, tries to listen to one voice instead of the many pulling him in clashing directions. why did you have to decide that you wanted me? the hand between his legs stills into soft motions, his other hand rising to run the pad of his thumb across the flush standing out on kaz's cheeks. it's warm here, in the space where their breaths mingle, pale skin damp beneath his fingertips. stay where i am. maybe he should learn to take direction. he exhales, his chest falling, wry amusement in the sparkle of his eyes. ] Once and only once will I heed your advice. I'm here, where you are.
[ and he finds he doesn't mind the space. his mouth presses to his in a soft kiss, a gentle promise not to stray from this path. the sound that kaz makes — did he just laugh? — pulls a smile to his lips, followed by a laugh of his own when kaz pushes his face away. ] That's common knowledge, Brekker. I've always been insufferable.
[ his laughs cuts off into a groan as kaz sneaks his way into his trousers, his cock twitching in his fingers from the sudden attention. another first, kaz taking his desires into his own hand. nikolai fixes his gaze keenly on him as he wets his palm with his tongue, a rush of heat spreading up his neck from the sight. he's imagined it countless times, before they ever touched each other this way — kaz fisting his own cock in the darkness of his bed, the quietly rough noises he would make, the shudder of his body beneath his own touch. he blinks and kaz has him in hand again, drawing out a strained moan as his hips cant eagerly for more. ]
Yes. It's good. You're good. [ his hand quivers, fingers loose around kaz's cock. his mouth is like fire against his jaw, and he shifts swiftly to catch him in a disheveled kiss, his tongue pressing past his lips as his head empties, narrowing down to the pulse of heat and wet fingers. kaz's bare fingers, wringing a moan from his throat. skilled, despite never having touched him before. was there really no one? he finds he doesn't want to know if there was.
he can hardly keep pace, but — never being one to shy away from a challenge — he renews his strokes with ruthless vigor, panting against the heat of his mouth. when was the last time anyone touched him like this? he catches his thoughts before they stray, one hand sliding into kaz's hair, his touch decidedly gentle, careful of the cut at his temple. his fingers curl at the nape of his neck, keeping him close. another keening sound from his lips, another shudder as he presses his eyes shut. it's good — better than good, the sweetest ache that sends heat pooling low inside of him, his spine arching in a rush of breath. ]
Wait — wait, not yet. [ his fingers clamp around kaz's wrist, pulling his hand away, and then he's sliding back down between his legs, taking his cock in his mouth once more, tousled blond falling into his eyes. a groan rumbles deep in his throat as he swallows him down as far as he can, desperate to pull another cry out of him, to feel the way pleasure seizes his body. he pulls off with a gasp, his bright eyes hazy with lust. ] Come for me. And then make me come. [ his breath shudders over his glistening cock before he slides it past his lips again, eyes closing as he skims his hand blindly along kaz's side, turning his palm up for him to take if he needs to, or even if he simply wants to. ]