[ a shiver, more good than bad, strikes him as nikolai’s hand holds his neck. kaz can feel reality seeping into this near fantasy. the coldness in his skin, in nikolai’s dead hands — the way the circle of his arms loosen a smidge (necessary, disappointing). it seems as though he isn’t the only one resisting it, with nikolai kissing him for no discernible reason other than to, well, kiss him. why does anyone kiss? because it’s nice. maybe because it communicates what can't be said, too. kaz tips into each one, still eager for the intimacy.
one night is all it would take — he sighs, eyes closing so he doesn’t have to react to whatever face nikolai puts on for his benefit, as he slams that door. it makes sense, given his present, tenuous condition, but it still stings, to have it offered and withdrawn so quickly. as a result, the final kiss takes him by surprise, and he returns it a heartbeat late, arching up until they part. in a second, he smooths his surprised expression into something neutral, if overly content. hitching up on one arm, kaz’s bird-eyed gaze follows nikolai as he sits, noting the wince without acknowledging it. at least nikolai has moved past the interim goal of ridding himself of kaz before the journey’s end.
as kaz replies, he pushes himself fully upright using his good side and pulls up his trousers before starting on the buttons of his shirt. ]
Nazyalensky has fine taste in complaints, [ she dislikes him, and he likes her for it. ] but sentiment has never agreed with me.
[ he snorts, though his gaze lowers to observe nikolai touching his oldest injury. it’s a part of himself he doesn’t consider to be particularly vulnerable, beyond practical considerations, but it feels like jabbing fingers in an open wound, when nikolai applies tenderness there. the question he thought had been answered on the beach one way, then another at the inn, persists: what do you want from me? his blues sharpen on nikolai, regaining their customary focus, and he leans closer. what do you want from the job? ]
If I’d hurt it in the fall, [ one hand refolds nikolai’s collar at the back of his neck, before both cup his face. ] it never would have gotten anywhere near your shoulder. [ kaz kisses him again, sudden and sure. because he can, because nikolai might not let him tomorrow — because he’s a fucking thief, so it’s in his nature to steal what he wants. why does anyone kiss? when he pulls away, there’s something satisfied in the curve of his mouth. he moves swiftly on, buttoning his shirt and adjusting his jacket, retrieving his gloves and flexing his fingers in the unfamiliar white leather. it looks better with a little red.
for the record, he did hurt his leg, just a wee bit, in an inevitable sort of way (rattled by the drop, strained by the walk and everything else). it won’t bother him too much more than his usual and not in a noticeable way, but he’ll retire early tonight. he fixes his hair last, a best effort at slicking it back that ends with it falling at the sides, as if he hadn’t bothered. fine. ]
You can satisfy your heroic urges by helping me up. [ voice flat, he extends his hand, for nikolai to take. ] Then I’ll walk. [ a jerk of his head at their surroundings. ] We should case a portion of this network before we find [ or make. ] an exit.
[ there should be one, lower than where they thought, near the rendezvous point for the whole crew. god knows what tomorrow will bring, after that. ]
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one night is all it would take — he sighs, eyes closing so he doesn’t have to react to whatever face nikolai puts on for his benefit, as he slams that door. it makes sense, given his present, tenuous condition, but it still stings, to have it offered and withdrawn so quickly. as a result, the final kiss takes him by surprise, and he returns it a heartbeat late, arching up until they part. in a second, he smooths his surprised expression into something neutral, if overly content. hitching up on one arm, kaz’s bird-eyed gaze follows nikolai as he sits, noting the wince without acknowledging it. at least nikolai has moved past the interim goal of ridding himself of kaz before the journey’s end.
as kaz replies, he pushes himself fully upright using his good side and pulls up his trousers before starting on the buttons of his shirt. ]
Nazyalensky has fine taste in complaints, [ she dislikes him, and he likes her for it. ] but sentiment has never agreed with me.
[ he snorts, though his gaze lowers to observe nikolai touching his oldest injury. it’s a part of himself he doesn’t consider to be particularly vulnerable, beyond practical considerations, but it feels like jabbing fingers in an open wound, when nikolai applies tenderness there. the question he thought had been answered on the beach one way, then another at the inn, persists: what do you want from me? his blues sharpen on nikolai, regaining their customary focus, and he leans closer. what do you want from the job? ]
If I’d hurt it in the fall, [ one hand refolds nikolai’s collar at the back of his neck, before both cup his face. ] it never would have gotten anywhere near your shoulder. [ kaz kisses him again, sudden and sure. because he can, because nikolai might not let him tomorrow — because he’s a fucking thief, so it’s in his nature to steal what he wants. why does anyone kiss? when he pulls away, there’s something satisfied in the curve of his mouth. he moves swiftly on, buttoning his shirt and adjusting his jacket, retrieving his gloves and flexing his fingers in the unfamiliar white leather. it looks better with a little red.
for the record, he did hurt his leg, just a wee bit, in an inevitable sort of way (rattled by the drop, strained by the walk and everything else). it won’t bother him too much more than his usual and not in a noticeable way, but he’ll retire early tonight. he fixes his hair last, a best effort at slicking it back that ends with it falling at the sides, as if he hadn’t bothered. fine. ]
You can satisfy your heroic urges by helping me up. [ voice flat, he extends his hand, for nikolai to take. ] Then I’ll walk. [ a jerk of his head at their surroundings. ] We should case a portion of this network before we find [ or make. ] an exit.
[ there should be one, lower than where they thought, near the rendezvous point for the whole crew. god knows what tomorrow will bring, after that. ]