[ kaz's voice burns through him, familiar. something gives at his throat and he can breathe again, arms braced around him as if they can hold him together. zoya would throw her kefta over him sometimes, silver fox fur tickling his shivering skin, the scent of wildflowers wafting to his nose. something to take away the hot, metallic odor of blood. kaz's coat is decidedly unfurry but just as warm, finely tailored wool on the outside and silky on the inside, scented like freshly turned earth just after the rain and smoky leather. nikolai takes a ragged breath. another. imagines they're out on the docks, the salt spray of the sea dampening their skin. imagines kaz's hand in his, leather on skin. imagines his lips tasting like the ocean when he kisses him.
slowly, his eyes open. kaz's cold nose has warmed against the back of his neck, his arms steady around him as his tremors lessen. you killed the stag. nothing more. kaz wouldn't let anything worse happen, knows he wouldn't be able to bear it. his breath shivers as he exhales. opens his mouth and tries for words. wants to cry with relief when he finds that language has returned to him. ]
It's not a threat anymore. [ not now. only became one because nikolai deprived it of something essential. his failure sits like a stone in the pit of his stomach. what now? the same as always. try again. find a way. his eyes slip shut as he leans back into the circle of kaz's arms — not purposeful. the strength goes out of him, the weight of exhaustion hitting him all at once. his hand grasps weakly at kaz's leather-clad knuckles, mumbling quietly before he slips off into the dark. ] You were a child, Brekker. No one ever taught you what to do with your sorrow. Stop trying to convince me that you're evil.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
slowly, his eyes open. kaz's cold nose has warmed against the back of his neck, his arms steady around him as his tremors lessen. you killed the stag. nothing more. kaz wouldn't let anything worse happen, knows he wouldn't be able to bear it. his breath shivers as he exhales. opens his mouth and tries for words. wants to cry with relief when he finds that language has returned to him. ]
It's not a threat anymore. [ not now. only became one because nikolai deprived it of something essential. his failure sits like a stone in the pit of his stomach. what now? the same as always. try again. find a way. his eyes slip shut as he leans back into the circle of kaz's arms — not purposeful. the strength goes out of him, the weight of exhaustion hitting him all at once. his hand grasps weakly at kaz's leather-clad knuckles, mumbling quietly before he slips off into the dark. ] You were a child, Brekker. No one ever taught you what to do with your sorrow. Stop trying to convince me that you're evil.